2012

Well, on Friday I saw 2012. It was a heartwarming tale of five underdeveloped characters in a race against a giant cloud of fucking death. The story starts with a man who’s name I’ve already forgotten, a single author. He is going on a camping trip with his children and goes to Yellowstone National Park, where he discovers the park is heating up and becoming unsafe – and he leaves. Meanwhile, a scientist discovers the earth’s core is heating up, resulting in the crust shifting and stuff. So, he hears some crazy guy preach about the end of the world and how the government built big ships for people to survive on, and when the single author guy – who is apparently a limousine driver – delivers two fat, spoiled Russian kids to a plane and “accidentally” drops a suitcase on their foot, one child tells the single author guy that “they’re going on big ships to survive and that he will die, haha!”. So it begins. The single author guy rents a plane and drives to his ex-wife’s house to rescue them. They think he is crazy, until their house asplode. Then, cut to an action scene of a limo jumping over chasms in the road, and then followed by a plane dodging falling buildings, then that plane landing in Yellowstone, them getting in a car and dodging falling meteorites, and then more plane / building dodging. Then they land, find another plane, dodge more buildings, and crash in the Himalayas. Then they ride a pickup truck to the crazy ships, and long story short – they sneak in, and stuff happens.

The movie was awesome, I was on the edge of my seat. Waiting for it to end. Every close call I knew they were fine, and they would save dramatic death scenes for the end. The story of three people – a Chinese boy with a pickup trick, an Indian scientist, and our good ol’ Californian single author guy – are all tied together very well in the end. It just makes me wonder – did they really pay a guy, to come in, work morning to afternoon, just so he can faceroll in AutoDesk Maya and create maybe half of one frame? Think about it, this was a three hour movie.

Overall, the movie was okay. It was like Transformers 3. Just like the second Transformers, this movie had a shit ton of special effects with no real story or motivation. Maybe a 7/10. You should rent it. And this doesn’t mean I’ll be doing movie reviews frequently, I’m just really bored while Dragon Age: Origins installs. Also, to quote my friend, “Dude, Bill Cosby was the President!”